Magical Twilight; card of the week 19th January 2016

 

This i-Ching hexagram #36  sometimes called “twilight” or  “darkening of the light” relates to a similar theme we saw last week (don’t rush into motion, there might not be anything you can DO) and the re-view, re-negotiate, and be thoughtful themes of this month’s  mercury retrograde.   “Twilight” speaks of an especially fortunate time for  continuing to guard steady, amazing progress by sticking to our personal integrity and letting go instead of leaping into fevered motion.

When the twilight comes it’s a magical time of evening with fireflies glowing and stars beginning to shine.   But it’s also a time between rest and motion when visibility is low and when  not all the little day-creatures have found their safe nests.   Bound by day and night, the land between these two worlds creates the need for caution and consideration.     After all, you don’t want to be the day-mouse darting around haphazardly  under the watchful eyes of a night owl.

_{(this picture painted on a tiny wooden disc makes it hard to see – but there’s a little mouse peeking out of a hole)}

This week, appreciate the beauty of the transitional energy underway.  Count the fireflies and stars, but be mindful about what you’re doing. Don’t get lured out of your nest before the time is right and don’t scurry without direction or a flashlight.  Even if you find yourself going to lots of social engagements, you’ll do best if you keep yourself grounded in your own immovable core as you have a good time or as you bring your wisdom and friendship to those who are having a tough go.

This week is not about dimming your PERSONAL light or living in the dark!   In fact,  this is a great week to think about ways in which you can stay true to yourself  without getting all caught up in what’s going on.  If you’re true to yourself  then your light can really shine the way it’s meant to and you’ll have way more fun that way.

Twilight hexagram is also about not always going along with what’s popular.     Conventional thinking  could lead you down a road that is just not YOU. The masses can be right about a lot of things but there’s also time when the conventional wisdom around you might suggest the most basic “little me” ego way to see the world – for example:    —   don’t try to understand another person’s pain or experience – ditch ‘em!  — don’t think about what role you played in things, blame someone else!  You shouldn’t have to be kind or loving, the person in the wrong should do it!

Think twice before you let what’s popular or common  define your direction.    You might even  find yourself swimming against the Zeitgeist this week.   Think about all those scientists who were laughed at; of Copernicus who had the crazy notion that the Earth revolves around the sun, and how very much AGAINST the grain of popular thinking that once was.

Yes, the  twilight brings dimmer light and with it, it’s harder to see far ahead and harder to connect the dots and see how everything fits together but sometimes it’s not important to see how it all fits and to trust the Heavens in their sparkling, infinite array of stars and potential ahead.   You’re safe, you’re you and you have an important light to bring to the world!

 

Have a great week!

About this deck: I made this oracle many years ago using wooden discs painted with wood pencils, varnish, and wood enamels.       It is inspired by the  I-CHING  or “Book of Changes” dating back to end of the second millennium BCE, it’s also one of the oldest books in recorded history.     The I-Ching comprises a set of 64 hexagrams (6 lines each)  which  represent all the possible six-line combinations  of yin/yang energy.   Yin and Yang energy are the dualistic building blocks of the universe;  feminine/masculine, active/passive, light/dark, etc.     Each hexagram is made up of two of the 8 “Hua” Trigrams that represent the classical  fundamental elements and which were said, in legend, to have been inspired when the first  Emperor of China Fu Hsi had visions related to the lines and dashes on a turtle’s back.   Because of some of the legends surrounding it, scholars believe some of the “I-Ching” material pre dates recorded history in Ancient China.

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How to Make Changes and New Year Resolutions Stick for Good

Happy New Year, everyone!  I can’t believe we’re almost a week into the brand new year. It’s going to be an awesome one!

A week ago or so, a lot of us started to reflect on the past year and think of what we want to accomplish in the New Year.  There’s tons of articles out now about setting New Year’s resolutions (and even whether doing that is a good idea or not) and it’s generally a time where people are geared up for “new habits” and thinking about the themes they want to change.

And you know what happens next; all those good intentions, the containers from the Container Store, the new gym trainers, the new juicer and the new notebook for writing down household expenses, all gather dust in our guilt-closet before March if we’re not careful.

If you’ve done the most important part (listening to your own heart about what needs to change in your life, or what you’d love to create)  here’s some things I’ve learned about making the energy of change and creativity into NEW habits instead of just “resolutions”  –

 

Big elephant, small bites

How do you eat a life-sized chocolate elephant? One bite at a time.

The biggest obstacle to making any new change is that seemingly insurmountable gap between the big dream (“Be a better person”  “Lose weight” “Move on from ex”  “Quit smoking”) and real results.  We’re often stymied when it comes to figuring out how to make nebulous or big plans reality.  In this case, the chocolate elephant in the room is your dreams, goals and visions.   You will need both big dreams and small bites to finish the job.   A big dream is a goal, an end-game, something you desire to attain for yourself in the long run.  Smaller “bites” are that big dream broken down into doable tasks that you do every day, which will add up to attaining your goal.

Small bites may not seem like much, but they’re just as important as the big dreams. Your mind needs a way to see that there are doable things you can do to make those visions concrete. Waiting for something to magically manifest won’t help, and sitting there looking at that huge chocolate elephant can cause you to give up before you even take a single bite.

Let’s say your big goal is to “be organized”, this instruction is so undefined and huge that you’ll never want to tackle it.  Small bites, on the other hand, can make the goal feel like a reality right now.   A small bite is your specific, small (remember it has to be doable!) action you’ll do today:

This morning I’m going to recycle all the magazines and take-out menus that aren’t current.

Create a small bite  objective for each big goal, each day… the smaller the better:

Today I’m going to create a mail centre with envelopes, stamps and a place to put incoming mail, and outgoing mail,  for example.

As those small bites add up, and the victory you feel when you accomplish them will help you be excited and creative about making new ones as the daunting task seems smaller and more manageable.   If you have trouble figuring out a small, doable task, find a book related to the goal you want to achieve.  A book can give you lots of ideas about actions you can take and you can invent your own.

 

Use your current habits

We’re creatures of habit, so why not use existing ingrained routines to get started on new ones?   New habits simply need repetition to become set and what better way than to use things you do each day already.

Use existing habits as a basis for your small-bite action goals wherever possible.  For example, if you want add extra steps to your pedometer, you can use a quick daily walk that is already a habit for you (to and from your car, your path to work) and make it a bit longer each day.  If you want to keep your briefcase tidy, associate a new habit with something you do already:
When I plop my briefcase on the table tonight, I’ll take out the papers and items I don’t need for tomorrow.
If you cook dinner at home every night, use this meal to create a new dietary habit instead of forcing yourself to make diet lunches:
For dinner tonight, I’ll make a dish with greens and whole grains

There’s no need to reinvent the wheel.  If you exercise in the evening already, then dreaming up a new scheme to wake up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym might be counter-productive for you.

Making defined, specific times to do your tasks and small-bite actions will help you introduce new habits to your routine and follow through.

The human brain builds synaptic connections and strengthens the efficiency of neurons in tasks that it does routinely. Synaptic “pruning” helps us put more energy into the things that we practice and do often by pruning away and eliminating connections we don’t use very often. Making new habits pair with existing strong connections helps you incorporate them faster.

The ivy effect

As an ivy plant grows, it senses progress and produces new cells which create tendrils, leaves and shoots. When the ivy comes in contact with objects, it alters its root structure to climb trees, and even walls. The more it grows, the better it can climb.  Your new habits and changes are just like that ivy, constantly building a bigger system and structure.  Seeing the results of your effort build an unbroken streak every day can be amazingly effective to help you keep going.  Use an app, calendar, journal or wipe board to keep track of your “streak”.    Each time you do your daily small-bite task, create a check mark.

It sounds silly but it works. Seinfeld’s famous “habit chain” operates on this same principle. When Jerry Seinfeld was a rising comedian, he knew that he’d have to consistently develop new jokes. To keep at it, even when he wasn’t in the mood, he took a giant wall calendar and marked a red “x” on the date whenever he achieved his goal of writing every day. When he saw those “x” marks adding up like links in a chain, he was inspired to keep going.

If you’re into technology – there’s a ton of apps for tracking habits and reinforcing patterns so there’s sure to be one that works for you.  I’ve tried a few that have reminders like “Fabulous: Motivate Me!” for Android…  but I have found a visual representation of progress works best so using an app on my phone to write all over a pdf calendar page lets me see a string of habits collect.

 

Cut the distractions

The best way to create changes and new routines is to make your environment less cluttered with distraction.  Simplify wherever you can and make the items you need for your goal easy to reach and get to.
For months my goal of having a tidy house was thwarted by my bathroom vanity.   Somehow, in spite of my best intentions, it became a repository for old receipts, coins, empty jars, products, and other junk.   It was a disorganized mess and it was difficult to keep clean.

Finally, I decided to place out only those items I used every day out on the vanity and shelves nearby… nothing else!   Something strange happened immediately. Without effort, I kept the entire vanity neat as a pin, with items put away properly and the vanity and sink wiped down every day.  (I realized that all that clutter had made me give up and let junk land where it may.)  Being able to find things fast, when I needed them, was the reward that kept my habit going.

Be here now

Failure starts with unrealistic expectations and living in the future instead of the present.   Maybe you want to have a healthier diet and daydream about being skinny and having lots of romantic attention from partners who find the new, slimmer you irresistible.  But when you look in the mirror, it’s not happening fast enough and you beat yourself up for still being chubby, and because you don’t have six-pack abs and you can’t cook a gourmet twelve course raw feast, you give up on yourself and have a basket of French fries.

I have a long list of failed New Year’s resolutions in years past with crazy stuff like, “learn to read Ovid’s Metamorphosis in Latin,”  or,  “make all my food from scratch”  perfectly reasonable, creative goals for someone… but for me they just gathered failure dust because I didn’t create an expectation (learn more words in Latin, make some meals at home..)  that I could actually DO.   At the end of the day,  we can only do what matters to our heart in the PRESENT.

Instead of this defeating, demoralizing pattern of expecting instant results or living in fantasy imagination of the future, put your energy and focus on what you are doing today to attain your goals.   Be patient with yourself and tell yourself you’re doing a good job right here in the present.   Have your goals in mind, but focus on the small-bites and immediate tasks far more than anything in the future.   You will absolutely see progress if you stay grounded in the present.  If you slip up, the present moment is always a new beginning.

 

 

*article adapted from my article “Making New Years Resolutions Stick” Psychic Guidepost magazine

More for all…. Friday ‘toon

 

 

 

We’re taught to mistrust sharing because we’re afraid to share too much, become drained, be a doormat, or be used.   We’re afraid to share because then we don’t have enough.     As children we’re taught more values and social concepts about getting, winning and having than we ever are about how to share.  Because of this, giving and sharing is something that most of us need to learn.

I know I did!   And that’s why I drew this cartoon.

The fact is, the more we share – the more we and others succeed.  It doesn’t matter what the “sharing” is about  … it could be our words, our honesty, our vulnerability, our resources, our time, our hearts, our minds, our food, our money.  When we give what we have to others, that value – whatever it is,  increases and expands.   We get better at it too.

Remember that really bad day you had when you shared your hostility and bad feelings with others and then things just got worse when people mirrored that back or responded with snark and pretty soon everyone was a swirling typhoon of bad feelings?   Yes, this really holds true of everything.  Good thing there’s an unlimited supply of energy and choices about how to use it.

Did I say unlimited supply?  YES!  Many years ago I worked in a field that exposed me to people who were ill, injured and often crabby.  I helped them, but at the end of the day I found myself drained and worn to the nubs and half dead.  I didn’t even want to talk to my friends or family.   It was then that I learned a valuable lesson:  there’s an unlimited supply of energy if you you hold the intention to SHARE.

Share means I’m giving you some of what I have, but not all of it.   Sharing means my intention is to GIVE instead of take because I’m starving for something or because I’ve given away all my resources too.     It does not mean “give you every ounce of energy I have” and it does not mean, “I’m giving to get something” or  “I’m giving to control” ( those lead us to untrue forms of giving where our boundaries and self care collapse).

I’ve seen this rule hold true over many years.    I have talked to people about some of the most painful times of their lives, and  I have friends who are therapists, or who are moms to enough kids to field a baseball team and friends who  treat patients who have had gunshot wounds or been in terrible accidents and the ones who stick to the principles of sharing have an almost unstoppable fountain of stamina and energy.       Yes, we’re all human, so we sometimes run out of juice….   but  more often than not  there’s a way to refill, replenish and have yet MORE to share for those who have learned this energetic rule!

Think about how when you love someone, you have more patience for them.  Or how when you’re brave and share  yourself, you find it easier to open up and talk about more things later.    If you’re real and honest, you will see friends being more real and you see them sharing that gift with others.     If you give time and effort to help other people be fed, safe, clothed, etc – you’ll see that energy of sharing expand  and other people will want to join in.  Even if you start small, sharing will get bigger and bigger and so will the gains for everyone.

There’s always MORE… we just have to learn to truly, legit share!