More for all…. Friday ‘toon

 

moreforall

 

 

We’re taught to mistrust sharing because we’re afraid to share too much, become drained, be a doormat, or be used.   We’re afraid to share because then we don’t have enough.     As children we’re taught more values and social concepts about getting, winning and having than we ever are about how to share.  Because of this, giving and sharing is something that most of us need to learn.

I know I did!   And that’s why I drew this cartoon.

The fact is, the more we share – the more we and others succeed.  It doesn’t matter what the “sharing” is about  … it could be our words, our honesty, our vulnerability, our resources, our time, our hearts, our minds, our food, our money.  When we give what we have to others, that value – whatever it is,  increases and expands.   We get better at it too.

Remember that really bad day you had when you shared your hostility and bad feelings with others and then things just got worse when people mirrored that back or responded with snark and pretty soon everyone was a swirling typhoon of bad feelings?   Yes, this really holds true of everything.  Good thing there’s an unlimited supply of energy and choices about how to use it.

Did I say unlimited supply?  YES!  Many years ago I worked in a field that exposed me to people who were ill, injured and often crabby.  I helped them, but at the end of the day I found myself drained and worn to the nubs and half dead.  I didn’t even want to talk to my friends or family.   It was then that I learned a valuable lesson:  there’s an unlimited supply of energy if you you hold the intention to SHARE.

Share means I’m giving you some of what I have, but not all of it.   Sharing means my intention is to GIVE instead of take because I’m starving for something or because I’ve given away all my resources too.     It does not mean “give you every ounce of energy I have” and it does not mean, “I’m giving to get something” or  “I’m giving to control” ( those lead us to untrue forms of giving where our boundaries and self care collapse).

I’ve seen this rule hold true over many years.    I have talked to people about some of the most painful times of their lives, and  I have friends who are therapists, or who are moms to enough kids to field a baseball team and friends who  treat patients who have had gunshot wounds or been in terrible accidents and the ones who stick to the principles of sharing have an almost unstoppable fountain of stamina and energy.       Yes, we’re all human, so we sometimes run out of juice….   but  more often than not  there’s a way to refill, replenish and have yet MORE to share for those who have learned this energetic rule!

Think about how when you love someone, you have more patience for them.  Or how when you’re brave and share  yourself, you find it easier to open up and talk about more things later.    If you’re real and honest, you will see friends being more real and you see them sharing that gift with others.     If you give time and effort to help other people be fed, safe, clothed, etc – you’ll see that energy of sharing expand  and other people will want to join in.  Even if you start small, sharing will get bigger and bigger and so will the gains for everyone.

There’s always MORE… we just have to learn to truly, legit share!

 

 

 

friday toon 23rd October 2015

silenttreatment

 

Drawing this one was a lot of fun.    Yeah. I admit to having been Whiskers a time or two in my life.  When we’re hurting and giving someone else the “silent treatment”  it’s usually because we don’t see any other way.  We think that we’ve tried to really communicate,  and worse, that they just don’t get it, can’t get it, never will get it… and so forget ‘em!!!     FOREVER!!!

However, in the midst of all that “I’m done with you forever!” energy, what we really want is for the other person to SEE our pain, to understand the problem.  It’s a desperate plea for help.   We’re really not letting it go and getting rid of it like we think we are, “Well I don’t have time for this problem in my life… I’m distancing myself from it.”   But we’re not really ignoring it like we think we are (we’re chewing  on it mentally and emotionally)   It just puts it off for later.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment because we want to hurt the other person for how badly they misunderstood us or don’t respect our thoughts. We want to withdraw to the extent that they miss us or feel terrible and are FORCED to change.  Unfortunately it’s immature and it punishes ourselves just as much as it punishes them;  it injects greater pain and distance into the problem so that it just gets bigger and bigger.    It’s a totally ineffective bid for attention.  Most of the time your partner will either be closed down and hurt ,  or just as oblivious as Bob.

What works better? Plain old fashioned communication, making progress more important than our ego, and yes even some forgiveness and apology.    It’s funny how we are sometimes afraid to do those very things that will really take care of the problem instead of slapping a band-aid on it because we are afraid it can’t work.  But you know what can’t work?   The Silent Treatment  or any of its friends (punishment, slamming doors in the hopes someone notices you’re mad, etc.)

Being kind to yourself, and loving to yourself sometimes means forgiving others so that you can move forward and be understood.

 

Have a great weekend Smile

Friday Toon 16th October 2015

Iknow
Energy of communication is like any other energy – it wants to flow and move.  There’s an easy way to tell if yours is NOT flowing:   you spend a lot of time trying to anticipate and figure out what a person is thinking or feeling.  You’re constantly plotting out what they mean, what they think, what they’re going to do next.

Living in assumptions, stories and mental landscapes about another person’s feelings or motives is a constant roller coaster. One minute you’re excited and hopeful, the next lost and crushed.  The energy of true communication isn’t really happening because the relationship is happening in your mind.

It’s better to ASK (yes, even if you’re afraid to know the answer) and participate with that other human being  than to assume. The more you communicate with a friend, boss, child, partner, date — the more you know what is really happening. You know what they mean, you know how they’re really feeling far better than if you come to your own conclusions.     Asking, talking and opening up feels like a big “risk” — but these are the essential ingredients of love. If you stick to this plan
you will know what you need to know!