friday toon 23rd October 2015

 

Drawing this one was a lot of fun.    Yeah. I admit to having been Whiskers a time or two in my life.  When we’re hurting and giving someone else the “silent treatment”  it’s usually because we don’t see any other way.  We think that we’ve tried to really communicate,  and worse, that they just don’t get it, can’t get it, never will get it… and so forget ‘em!!!     FOREVER!!!

However, in the midst of all that “I’m done with you forever!” energy, what we really want is for the other person to SEE our pain, to understand the problem.  It’s a desperate plea for help.   We’re really not letting it go and getting rid of it like we think we are, “Well I don’t have time for this problem in my life… I’m distancing myself from it.”   But we’re not really ignoring it like we think we are (we’re chewing  on it mentally and emotionally)   It just puts it off for later.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment because we want to hurt the other person for how badly they misunderstood us or don’t respect our thoughts. We want to withdraw to the extent that they miss us or feel terrible and are FORCED to change.  Unfortunately it’s immature and it punishes ourselves just as much as it punishes them;  it injects greater pain and distance into the problem so that it just gets bigger and bigger.    It’s a totally ineffective bid for attention.  Most of the time your partner will either be closed down and hurt ,  or just as oblivious as Bob.

What works better? Plain old fashioned communication, making progress more important than our ego, and yes even some forgiveness and apology.    It’s funny how we are sometimes afraid to do those very things that will really take care of the problem instead of slapping a band-aid on it because we are afraid it can’t work.  But you know what can’t work?   The Silent Treatment  or any of its friends (punishment, slamming doors in the hopes someone notices you’re mad, etc.)

Being kind to yourself, and loving to yourself sometimes means forgiving others so that you can move forward and be understood.

 

Have a great weekend

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Friday Toon 16th October 2015

Energy of communication is like any other energy – it wants to flow and move.  There’s an easy way to tell if yours is NOT flowing:   you spend a lot of time trying to anticipate and figure out what a person is thinking or feeling.  You’re constantly plotting out what they mean, what they think, what they’re going to do next.

Living in assumptions, stories and mental landscapes about another person’s feelings or motives is a constant roller coaster. One minute you’re excited and hopeful, the next lost and crushed.  The energy of true communication isn’t really happening because the relationship is happening in your mind.

It’s better to ASK (yes, even if you’re afraid to know the answer) and participate with that other human being  than to assume. The more you communicate with a friend, boss, child, partner, date — the more you know what is really happening. You know what they mean, you know how they’re really feeling far better than if you come to your own conclusions.     Asking, talking and opening up feels like a big “risk” — but these are the essential ingredients of love. If you stick to this plan
you will know what you need to know!

Coming around; Card of the week 12 October 2015

 

 

This week’s card  (little piece of cardstock about the size of a penny) is from a series of little bug cartoons I made ages ago illustrating some of the most simple (but tough to relate to) energetic principles … kid-style.    [ Part of me….ego….. didn’t even want to use these in the weekly cards blog, “No! Don’t show these off… I’m an ‘artist’ now!”   but I didn’t listen and here they are! LOL)

This one was inspired by one of the  favourite sayings of elders in my clan, “What goes around comes around,” meaning, roughly, you better watch your butt because if you screw up, you’ll get what’s coming to you. It’s typically a phrase of karmic retribution. Or is it? Here I imagined it as a bug patting another on the head and that this act of intention gets passed forward, on and on.  The energetic principle here is one of balance and of, “what you give, you’ll receive.”

How does this relate to this month’s theme of communication?   Most people mirror one another in communication. It is part of evolutionary social science, or instinctual, but its almost a sure thing that if someone is upset, it’s really hard to not take on a testy tone yourself, for example.

The good news is that mirroring can be a conscious choice.   If you were feeling fine until you started talking to Debbie Downer the bank teller, you do have a choice about whether you carry this energy forward.  No matter how others around you are feeling and no matter how others are portraying themselves (say, in a difficult conversation with a family member or partner)  you can still make a choice to be conscious and have the intention to learn and to understand as well as communicate your true feelings instead of matching their crazy and flying off the handle yourself.    You can put a different ingredient into the mix this week and get a better outcome!

 

Even though your every instinct might be to mirror your partner, or even to take on their emotions as your own, you can make your own choices and if you are honest, compassionate and considerate, the chances are much better that the other person will be too. Other ways to think about “what goes around comes around” this week is to take a look at what your objectives are for the month and overall.   Are you looking for love? Then maybe you can BE a loving source to others. Are you looking for good customers? BE a good customer.   Do you want people to see your hurts? See theirs.  Do you want abundance to flow? Be on top of your money game, respect your finances and share with others.

 

So much energy focus this month is in how the world mirrors what we feel and how we relate to the world.  “The world is what you are,” as the saying goes.  What are you putting into the machine? How are you feeling? How are you treating yourself?  Is it with anxiety, impatience or dissatisfaction?  If so, is it reasonable to expect that the world will somehow mirror back to you something DIFFERENT than what you are?

 

Have a great week!