This week’s card comes from a deck that I found in a give-away, throw away pile. don Miguel Ruiz’ “The Voice of Knowledge Cards”. I figured I’d hang on to them since I also have a book by Ruiz tucked away somewhere (The Four Agreements)… but for some reason there’s just something about them that has never attracted my interest. Both have gone unexplored and the deck seems to be mainly about “lies” (presumably the ones Ego tells us to get our goat and keep us from the love and connecting that is really important). I decided to give it a shot anyway, and see what message the deck had to say.
I have to say, Ruiz apathy aside, this week’s card was quite timely. This week I and a few of my friends have not exactly been feeling like supermodels lately and there have been quite a lot of good conversations about just what “not being good enough” REALLY means. Bad haircuts, bad skin, interesting astrological forces and out-dated kitchen counter-tops have left those of us who are perfectionists scrambling for perfect answers and the skin of an 18 year old Swedish supermodel.
the front of the card spells this week’s insight quite plainly. Truthfully, all this ‘I’m not good enough’ stuff that we may sometimes believe (“I need to be prettier so that he will love me and never look at anyone else, Why would he want ME? I am not pretty enough, I’m too fat, I don’t like the fact that I’m not good at cooking French cuisine…”) is flat out fake crapola churned up by fear.
Not feeling “Good enough” comes from comparing ourselves to others and coming up short -and it always leads to several internal lies. What’s worse, when we compare ourselves, there will always be an endless supply of “not good enough” and “not xyz as____”
The lies are:
- I need approval from others to exist, to be ok.
- I can improve and perfect myself to the degree that others love and like me.
- I am not not good enough.
Though it might feel real and it might not seem so, being in a state of perpetual “not good enough” is essentially an ego excuse to not bring others in to our experience or into a real connection with us. Ego insists that by being victims of our bad self esteem we’ll be so busy pursuing perfection or avoiding hurt that we don’t really have to open up, be vulnerable or face intimacy.
In reality, we can’t go through life looking to someone outside ourselves for meaning and approval, anyway! That will never work. So always thinking of whether or not we’re good enough for them or the prettiest one in the room is a set-up for failure every. single. time.
There’s nothing we can do to manipulate more love and the great irony is often that the person we are seeking this approval from might APPROVE OF US ALREADY,
but we’re so focused on “not good enough” that we damage our connection. What’s more, it’s never our “perfection” or talents that create a strong relationship but how we treat others, how authentic we allow ourselves to be, whether we have the intention to be open and loving or not. The most beautiful people in your life are those who make you feel valued, appreciated, and who join you with love and affection on the adventure of life. The ones you remember on your dying day, won’t be the ones with perfect skin, great home decorations, big boobs or sparkling white teeth. They’ll be the ones who listened to your thoughts, wanted to learn how you felt, made you feel appreciated and worthy. This is something you can do for others in your life… no perfection needed!
Some of you may think, “But others told me I was not good enough in the past… so this is how I treat myself and what I attract today.” Maybe a parent or family member spent their time living in, and projecting “not good enough”. Maybe you always felt like you had to measure up in some way. You have an opportunity now to form your OWN beliefs, because the reality is that the only one who can tell you that you are not good enough right here, right now – is YOU.
This week – look at some of the false searches for perfection you might be on or any false “I am not good enough” you have been holding on to.
Remember that “perfection” always has us searching for something that is unattainable or unrealistic, creating pressure on ourselves and others. Whatever criticism we feel about ourselves inevitably becomes criticism of others too. The fear of rejection or hurt creates a barrier that prevents us from connecting with others, and from letting ourselves be open instead of “in control” or creating a certain kind of image.
This week, try dropping a little bit of the armour that “not good enough” provides and try to embrace (and be) your real self … flawed or not. The more you do this, the more your sense of value can arise from a source of authenticity and from within YOURSELF instead of from outside sources of approval. If you demonstrate that you can be open, others will respond and feel closer to you and will feel safe to be themselves around you as well.
*About this deck: “The Voice of Knowledge” cards is published by Hay-House.